


Test Tube Plays God

by Mango_Dolphin



Category: Inanimate Insanity (Web Series)
Genre: Bad Matchmaking, Comedy, Matchmaking, Multi, Other, Romantic Comedy, but like. a GOOD mad scientist, i will be adding tags as the fic progresses! dabs, she's just dumb and confused, this is like. a mad scientist test tube sort of, where she doesn't fuckin uhhhh y'know commit atrocities just because she can
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 10:27:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17506850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mango_Dolphin/pseuds/Mango_Dolphin
Summary: The question, immortalized by a memetic song, has been asked time and time again under many different contexts: what is love? Test Tube hasn't paid much mind to that question in the past, as she wasn't all that big on romantic endeavors. But now it's all she can think about.So she's determined to find the answer by using all her power. All in the name of science.





	1. Ask a Question

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy! This'll be my first II fic on here, though if I'm being honest, I'm working on like 4 at once lmao. Thank you for taking a peek at my fic, I can't appreciate it enough! Even if you love it or hate it, I've never really worked to complete any of my fanfictions in the past. II has inspired me in a way I haven't expected it to, and I'm glad that I've come back into the fandom.
> 
> This chapter will be a little short, I admit. I'm used to writing mostly flash fiction and one-shots! Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy. <3

    Romance is fascinating. All sorts of intrapersonal relationships have differing dynamics, but romance always seems to be emphasized as the most vulnerable. What _is_ it with love that gets everyone so ridiculous and flustered? I asked Fan for his input.

    He doesn’t seem to be able to answer right away; a response I understand and respect.

    “Uh… I don’t know,” he finally answered. Fan places Egg in its incubator and starts fiddling with his hands as he continues. “Love is, like, the strongest bond a person can manage, I guess. Not just with dating, y’know, but any relationship!”

    “But what about just _romantic_ love?” Pushing my feet from my desk, I swivel back in my rolly chair to face him. A notepad and black pen employed are employed at the ready.

    He hums, deep in thought. “Well, no one wants to be alone, right? I mean, I guess they don’t, anyways, even if it’s a _deep down_ sorta fear. Some people… probably want the intimacy that comes with a romantic partner. It must feel safer.” Fan scratches the back of his head. “If that makes sense.”

    I scribble down all that he said as fast as I can manage, nodding. “Don’t worry, I think I get it. Thanks for your input!”

    “Aw, shucks.” Amidst my ink scratching on paper, I can hear him shuffle his feet. “Why do you ask, anyways?”

    The honest answer is: I don’t know why I ask. Like any scientifically-minded person, the hypothesis was presented to me in a casual manner by my mind, perhaps whilst carrying on my morning routine. It posited the question of romance, and I entertained the question for a bit, then I promptly forgot about it. But in the folds of my mind, it stuck. And soon enough, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Not for days. The fact that I was so subconsciously insistent on learning the truth nearly drove me mad. Why was it so important? Why do I want to know? What is it supposed to mean?

    The verbal answer is: “It just crossed my mind recently, y’know? I’ve never held an interest in anyone, so no one can blame me for the curiosity.”

    He nods, smiling gently. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

    “And you know what a question needs?”

    Fan laughs, crossing his arms. “Let me guess… a fully formed hypothesis?”

    “—in combination with an experiment!” I say, fist pumping in the air. I snicker. “Am I getting too predictable?”

    “It’s the good kind of predictable, dude.”

    “Good to hear,” I say with a grin.

    “So what are you gonna do, play blind cupid and analyze the results from afar?”

    I tap my pen to my chin. That actually sounded like it yielded more comprehensive results. My mind begins to buzz with possibilities. “Actually, I was going to ask others about existing relationships and interview them directly, but your idea sounds much more appealing in the interest of pure statistics!”

    Fan’s face goes blank. “Er… so you’re going to interview them?”

    “Don’t be ridiculous,” I say, scooting back in my chair and reaching for a notebook on the other shelf. “I’m going to play cupid!”

    And, as I always do with projects, I am immediately engrossed.


	2. Do Background Research

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Test Tube supplements her question with research oriented to said question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No proper sleep schedules, we write an entire multi-chapter fic in the span of a night like men

    Here is the question, bolded and underlined and circled: _How does romance affect interactions between individuals?_

    Er, I suppose it’s italicized as well. But the emphasis is nonetheless important, since it’s the driving force of the next few moments of my life! It is the question that I aim to answer, the question that has haunted and will continue to haunt me up until science resolves my obsession and washes away all my current anxieties!

    It’s a question I care about.

    The next step is simply doing some background research, right before forming a hypothesis. Now, not everyone will be open about their love lives, but I imagine at least a few pairs exist. (Or trios? Quartets? It seems most of the romantic tensions have been between only pairs, but I’m not going to discount the existence of relationships that don't fall under that umbrella!) Fan thinks my interview idea will work the best, so I’ll be pursuing that during this stage of the process. However, he feels much differently about my other proposed methods.

    “Although,” Fan begins, “maybe you shouldn’t attempt to scientifically replicate Cupid’s arrows when you’re done with this? Just a suggestion.”

    I laugh at that. The two of us are sitting next to each other in the Hotel OJ kitchen, discussing the experiment with my journal open in front of us. He’s a reasonable, thoughtful individual, but I admit my tunnel vision isn’t quite open to ideas when I already have one that I like.

    “But how else will I gather unbiased data? It’s a good idea, Fan! A non-traditional one that might not work, but it’ll give us a lot of information if it does.”

    He mumbles. I shoot him a quizzical expression, but he shrugs it off. “Let’s just focus on the interview questions,” he says instead.

    I suppose his apprehension isn’t much of an issue. After all, there are a few things that Fan isn’t the biggest fan of, so it isn’t too far off to assume that he’s just a little scared of the experiment going wrong. I’ve learned from previous mistakes: _always_ make an antidote or reversal switch to anything that can go horribly wrong before it goes wrong!

    However, all of this talk is for a theoretical method of experimentation. A better focus for this part of our experiment is the research others have accumulated, so that will be what I shall redirect my attention to.

    Fan, my dear friend and colleague, compiled a wealth of resources about firsthand accounts of marriage, dating, et cetera. Some were a little more dubious than others, especially considering some of his research came from tabloids and web magazines, but it certainly verified my view upon love in the mainstream: people _cannot_ get enough of it.

    “Everyone’s so obsessed over who’s dating whom, and fanfic has a _lot_ of soulmate tropes, y’know?” Fan says, showing me a listing of a fanfiction hosting website. “These are tagged with _Soulmate AU_! And don’t even get me _started_ on ships.”

    “The… nautical transportation vessel?”

    Fan guffaws, almost falling over in his chair. “Heh, ya—you don’t know what a ship is?”

    “I’m not a _blogger_ like _you_.” I playfully punch him in the arm, trying not to blush out of embarrassment. Sure, people will know things that I don’t all the time, but… “Is it, like, an internet term or something?”

    “It’s short for _relation_ -ship,” Fan says. “Basically, a _ship_ is a non-canon—that’s not true to the events of a show or something—relationship that someone thinks is interesting. Usually in a romantic context.”

    I nod, taking notes as quickly as possible. “Can you elaborate?”

    “Err…” He puts down his phone and puts his hand to his chin. “Well, it’s basically just seeing two or more characters interacting and thinking they’d look good together. Like, as an item. Except if you obsess about real life shipping online, you’re a bad person.”

    I grimace. “Why would people even “ship” real life people together?”

    Fan shakes his head and says, “Sometimes people are freaks.” And it’s a thought that needs no elaboration.

    “Well, I suppose what I’m getting from your research is—” I place my pen on the journal then push the two back— “people are enamored by the idea of a relationship, even if it’s not their own.”

    “Yeah! Wait…”

    He turns around, winds his arm back, and throws his pen. A once standing Cheesy is hit in-between the eyes, causing him to flinch. “Hey! You could’ve just told me not to!”

    Fan and I exchange glances, then begin to snicker. It escalates into laughter. Amidst our laughter, Cheesy scoffs, places the pen back on the table, and leaves the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to attach the interviews they mentioned to this chapter, but considering the odd format of such part, I decided to make that it's own chapter! Stay tuned for that <3


End file.
